A friend of mine recently shared a couple of her own recent disasters on Facebook inspiring this list of my own top 10 disasters. Here’s to you V!
There have been many occasions in my adult life when my bad luck, bad decisions or general clumsiness and inability to stay on my own two feet – especially when sober – have caused disaster. Drunk I am light on my feet and generally disaster free… maybe I should drink more often!
- At 18, on one of the few occasions that year I was not three sheets to the wind, I slipped over, smashed my face into a wall and damaged one of my front teeth (it was repaired but alas some years later I lost it anyway).
- There was the fish tank explosion leading to my concussion.
- I once fell up our back stairs whilst carrying laundry, landing on my left forearm; I didn’t break it but bruised the bone and suffered pain, weakness and numbness for weeks afterwards. This is by no means the only time I have fallen UP stairs, just the worst.
- One New Years Eve (in the 80’s) I decided to wear a white lycra mini dress to a function…with BIG hair and red stilettos. Disaster enough I hear you say, but no it was worse than that. I had decided to team it with some lovely lacy underthings, problem was it was all ABSOLUTELY SEE-THROUGH…a fact that was lost on me until roughly half-way through the evening….
- There was the time at MrQ’s work Xmas party where, after ½ a glass of bubbly I turned my ankle and fell flat on my face in front of his entire office, I didn’t break the glass, in fact managed to keep a hold of it, but wore the contents across my face leading to evidence of unwise, non- waterproof mascara choices. This fall led to crutches and a limp for weeks.
- The “laundry incident” earlier this year where I dislocated my right shoulder thus rendering myself unable to write, type or drive for weeks – these being the main activities of my occupation this was a problem. I could still talk though so all was not lost!
- Many years ago, whilst learning to drive when I snapped the indicator stalk off the steering column of the car, we were a couple of hundred km’s from home and I was not popular.
- Once when unpacking the dishwasher I unwisely pulled out both the top and bottom racks, leading to the machine tilting just enough for the bottom rack to shoot out across the kitchen, depositing 6 dinner plates, 2 bowls and an oven dish onto the tiled floor underneath the stove. There were no survivors.
- There were the mumps that stole Christmas.
- My first “real relationship” was a disaster, luckily the second (and current one) cancelled it out.
And for a bonus “near disaster”:
- Earlier this year whilst carrying a cheesecake I “fell off” my wedges and performed one of those slow motion ” incidents” where you take a step to avoid a fall, have to repeat it to stop falling in the other direction and so on and end up running into something hard. Or is that just me? Anyway it caused me to cannon into my husband, who was carrying a carton of beer (all the food groups covered here), forcing him into a parked car. Neither of us was hurt and his quick action saved both the beer and cheesecake…disaster averted.
So there you have it, my Top 10, can you beat it?
Disclaimer: This is by no means an exhaustive list as I am constantly adding to it. Also, regular followers will recognise some of these disasters from previous posts but they are up there in the top 10.