Changes

Ok, so I have hinted and skirted around the fact that I have some weight to lose, okay, a LOT of weight to lose.

I have lost heaps and gained it back with extra over the years.

The fact is I now have to lose approximately what a whole person weighs.

While I have been overweight for my whole adult life the last 10 years have seen me really pile it on.  A combination of stress, depression and hormonal issues has led me to the situation I am now in.

My health is starting to be affected, my doctor is on my back to make changes, and worse (to my fucked up mind), my sister has recently lost a huge amount of weight.

I don’t want to live this way any longer, the smirks, the comments, the feeling like crap need to stop.  No sure why people HAVE to be assholes, at least I can lose weight, they will always be assholes!

I have tried it all, the big expensive companies, weight watchers – online & meetings, shakes & fads, nothing has worked for me.  So last week I bit the bullet and went to see a Dietician, she was lovely.  She gave me the confidence to address some things in my life and a general guide to eating.   It isn’t so much my meals that are the problem; it is all the other shit I eat too!  She also suggested counselling, meh, am so not going there!

I don’t feel strong enough to actually put my weight out there for now, or a picture! But I will share that I would like to lose 58kg...brings tears to your eyes hey?

So, I work best when I am accountable, so I figure that this is the way to go for me.

I have added a weight loss tracker to my blog which I will update every week.

I will set myself a challenge every week to make a permanent change in my life...big or small, just so long as I change SOMETHING.

I am going to change my life for the better and invite you to join me as I do.

So this weeks challenge is to drink more water, and trust me it is a challenge for me to drink enough!

What changes do you need to make in your lives?

The early years...

I was born in the UK...don’t hold it against me!

I had a happy, secure childhood.  I knew I was loved; my family were stable and caring.

We were a small family. Mum, Dad and three kids.  For the record I was, and am still funnily enough, the eldest.

In my younger years we moved a lot, every couple of years for Dad’s work.  At one stage I was at 6 different schools in less than 3 years...Imagine being the new kid that many times in a short period.

When I was twelve we left everything and everyone we knew behind and emigrated to Australia, Perth to be exact.  I had stated high school in the UK, had to go back to primary here as I was too young for high school, so no trauma there!  It was very odd, the kids were so different, of course where we lived there were a high proportion of surfers, so very different.  It was a much more outdoor type of lifestyle.  They taught religion in state schools, not something I was used to!

When I was about 14 we finally stayed in one spot long enough for me to make good, lasting friends...people I am still in contact with today.

I guess my upbringing made me stronger and independent, I have lived thousands of km’s from my family for my entire adult life, not to get away from them, just because that’s the way it worked out.

I do however have a tendency to be a bit of a homebody these days.  I am happy to stay in our lovely home with my family, and tend not to be one for a huge social life or have a need to be around people all the time.  I had to adapt to not having many people to rely on close by and therefore sorting out my own problems.  I do find it hard to “share” problems or feelings with others, hence this blog.  It is almost like a friend, there to listen without judging me.

I do suffer from near crippling shyness at times, it is very hard for me to talk to people in social or group business situations...but put me in front of a client and I am fine.  I guess it is because I am confident and secure in my working life, as it is really not about me.

This year I have joined a business networking group, to make it work I HAVE to step out of my comfort zone and speak to new people and stand up in front of the group every week to talk, it is already having a positive effect on my confidence.

Do you struggle in social situations amongst people you do not know well?

3 years....

In a few days it will be three years since I quit smoking.

I was lucky, I decided to quit and I did.  Cold turkey, no problems.

I think the key is I didn’t enjoy it any more.  I didn’t enjoy the cost, the health effects, the smell, and the social isolation, the having to go outside in the cold or rain or stand near the bins for my fix...pathetic.  More importantly, I just went right off the taste of cigarettes.

I started smoking in my mid-teens, and smoked on an off until my late 30’s.  I quit a couple of times over the years, didn’t smoke when pregnant or breast feeding, but always went back.  Mostly because I enjoyed it.

I now can’t stand the smell of cigarettes...as they say; there is nothing worse than a reformed smoker.

Do I see a difference in my health?  Definitely.   I have less allergy symptoms, colds don’t turn into chest infections, I don’t get out of breath doing light exercise, and I generally feel better in myself.

Did I put on weight?  You better believe it! A LOT! I was overweight before but now it is a major issue, and my next project.

Do I see a difference in my finances, not really.  But I guess I switched to driving a V8 at roughly the same time so that absorbed the extra cash.

Now the harsh truth, are there days, even now, where I have the urge to smoke...yes there are.  Do I feel like a smoke writing this post, maybe.

Would I do it?  No way!

Beginnings...

It has been almost two months since terrible floods ripped our beautiful town apart.  The pain and shock of those days is fading and a sense of normalcy is coming back.

Toowoomba - 10-01-2011   © 2011 Copyright J Traill

That day had a huge effect on me, making me look hard at my life, what's important (and what's not).  In comparison with all that was lost by people in those days in early January I am lucky.  I have a fantastic family, lovely home, great business.... and yet I feel a "hole" in my life, like something is missing.  I think that something is me, I am present but I am not living my life...I need to step up and start to.

So this blog is about me finding out who I am, not just a wife, a mother, a business woman, but me..as a person.

I may be self-indulgent, will quite possibly be rude, will often be cranky but will always be honest.

Won't you join me for the ride?