Dumbass...

Picture the scene.

A local coffee shop for lunch.

I regularly eat there, they do a mean veggie quiche, but not every time I go there.

I walk up to the counter and ask if the quiche is vegetarian. You know, whether there is meat in it or not..

Blank look.

She turned to the other lady and asked.

Another blank look.

I suggested they have a look at it and see.

Blank look at each other.

I suggested they lift a slice and see.

With much confusion eventually the piece of quiche was lifted and inspected.  The consensus was that it was vegetarian and would "meet" my needs.

I could see suspicious pink particles in the quiche.

I asked if they were sure.  They said yes. 

I was then stunned to be told that yes, there was bacon in the quiche but it would still meet my vegetarian needs.

I suggested that bacon was, in fact, meat.

Another blank stare...

...I just had a drink.

Love Jo xxx

Déjà vu ...

...or, another week, another hospital stay.

Clearly the drugs are better at her local hospital!

So begins another round of sleepless nights, festy hospital toilets, bad coffee and rock hard

visitors chairs.

I am so over this, can only imagine how the patient feels!  At least she gets some drugs out of the deal...

Don’t lie to me…

Honesty is such a lonely word
everyone is so untrue
Honest is hardly ever heard
and mostly what I need from you…

(Billy Joel, 1979)

It seems to me that honesty is sadly lacking in our communities, something that is in some ways no longer the norm.

Every day the news is full of stories about dishonesty, even network news is not immune themselves!

Politicians, hell whole governments lie routinely.  The military, the medical profession, industry, the banks, they are all at it.

Everyone tells the odd fib, a little white lie here and there but where to draw the line?

As little kids we are told not to lie, lying is bad and naughty, indeed my son was always punished far more for lying than for anything he broke or did wrong, to this day he is brutally honest, maybe too honest sometimes but at least I can believe what he tells me! 

It is human nature to protect yourself, or someone else by bending the truth a little.

How much better would it be if the government (take your pick as to which one) stood up and said, OK, we mucked that one up, sorry, this is what we are going to do to fix it.  If a bank or company would stand up and admit they are not a charitable institution, they are to make money for shareholders whatever it takes…if an individual stood up and said, no, I am not going to do “xyz”, instead of stringing someone along with vague promises…

What you gonna do when it all comes out,
When I see you and what you're all about?

(Black eyed peas, 2005)

The problem is that it is easy to be cynical, to not believe anything anyone has to say…but that’s no way to live. 

We have to navigate the minefield that is everyday life and do the best we can. 

The best way is to be honest to ourselves and those around us. To exercise common sense and caution, to do our research (Google is a wonderful thing), but also to give the benefit of the doubt.

This post started as something very different, directed at a specific few who have let me down recently, mid-writing I changed direction, I just need to let it go and not be quite so trusting in future, which is hard for me as I want to see the best in people…

... sadly I get let down a lot.

Fishy Business…

Fish tanks are great! Peaceful, relaxing, attractive décor items. 

We always had fish tanks; it was one of the first things we bought when we moved in together.

Over the years we nurtured our aquatic companions, feeding, cleaning, ph testing, rounds of chemicals and plants…it is quite a lot of work.  We didn’t mind, it was worth it…

We had quite a large tank set up in the lounge room of our home. Lovely.

One night, I was watching TV, maybe 9pm when I heard a noise.  Just a small dripping sound, nothing much.  It was raining and I thought it was just water dripping outside.  It got a bit louder, I investigated, couldn’t see anything, went back to my TV show.

Then all hell broke loose. 

The end piece of the tank caved in, and in such a way that the contents of the fish tank shot out at right angles for about a meter before striking the wall and floor…I didn’t quite know what to do. Well, you don’t do you?

It quickly became apparent that help was not going to be forthcoming, and my hands alone were not going to  do much against 300L of warm, fishy water determined to empty itself onto my lounge room floor.

Son, being a young teenager, therefore useless as tits on a bull didn’t even hear my screams…the neighbours two streets over must have, but not my boy! And husband had retired to the “bathroom” and was indisposed! Typical…

So I raced to the kitchen, grabbed some cooking pots and stuck them under the hole, nothing was stopping this baby but hopefully I could ferry some of the water outside and off my carpets!  Of course there is never a bucket when you need one…

The first emptying went well, a few splashes on the tiles near the back door but OK…the second, not so good.

You see, I didn’t factor the effect of bare wet feet on wet tiles whilst running with an overflowing pot of fish water…hmm, you can see where this ended up right?

Yes, in a scene that would have benefitted from the Benny hill soundtrack, as if in slow motion my feet slipped from underneath me, the pot went into the air, I landed on the back of my head, on the tiles, HARD.  Then the contents of the pot of water came to earth, or more precisely, my face, shortly followed by the pot. So not only did I nearly kill myself, but I flooded another room too.

My son had just emerged and witnessed my humiliation and whipped out to tell his father he thought I was dead, no checking on me though…OH NO!

When they emerged it was to find me, ice pack held to the back of my head trying to suck the water out of the carpet with the carpet cleaning machine, trying to stay upright…

Husband was despatched to find something to put the fish in, son called his elder brother to take me to hospital, by this stage I could barely speak and was shaking like a leaf, and I cleaned away feverishly…

It wasn’t until I got to hospital that we realised I had wet pants, from the fall of course, not sure anyone believed me though…

Skip to several hours later, a concussion and a soggy house.

I had never been concussed before, and hope never to be again…it hurts, and the dizziness and nausea are frightening.

Have you ever had to run carpet dryers throughout your whole house with a concussion? Then you haven’t lived! Those bastards are LOUD.

The final tally, 7 rooms water damaged, one fish tank destroyed, one head injury…memories best forgotten!

We don’t have a fish tank any more…turns out they aren’t that relaxing after all!

Sick and tired…

This year got off to a bad start with “the mumps that stole christmas”  as my husband less than affectionately refers to it and then my dislocated shoulder…

… but I thought we were doing well this winter - no illness, not a sniff or a cough.

Until I went to Sydney that is...

…Two weeks on I am still miserable, not sick as such, but still not completely well.

Alternating blocked and runny nose, cough and croaky throat, more annoying than anything.

I have loaded up on the vitamins, drink a heap more water and tried to stay warm...have eaten a LOT of lozenges and throat pastilles, all to no avail. 

At least I can sleep for once, even though it would seem that I have been snoring loudly enough to wake the dead!  Makes a change to being the one listening to the snoring every night…

There is no point going to the doctor, there is nothing they can do, it is after all only a cold.   I am allergic to a lot of anti-biotics so am not keen to take anything unless there is absolutely no alternative!  Hives are even less fun…

So I will carry on with the tissues, my favourite for a cold are Kleenex Eucalyptus…bliss, Butter Menthols, Strepsils and Throaties, various inhalants, saline sprays and copious amounts of various vitamin supplements in the hope that I don’t have to go through a third week of this…

…and that my boys don’t catch it!

Small things…

You all know what it’s like, you are having a rough patch, things aren’t going as you had hoped, or everything just gets on top of you.  It doesn’t even have to be that dramatic, we have all had times when you wonder why you bother, who cares anyway, it doesn’t matter what you do things just don’t go the right way.

There is huge pressure to be happy, to live the perfect life, to do your best ALL the time! To keep a perfect home, be the perfect parent, wife, lover…whatever.   There are news stories, TV shows and even blogs dedicating themselves to this end…and that’s not bad, if it works for you great.  I read these and sometimes it just makes me feel sad, or inferior or just plain pissed off.  I do my best. 

I’m an intelligent woman and should know better but sometimes the doubts trickle in, everyone else is so much better at “stuff” than me, but then I realise that no-one is perfect, a lot of people just don’t focus on the negative, it isn’t wrong to express how positive things are in your life, it’s just that I –and maybe some of you?- need to realise that just because it isn’t talked about doesn’t mean that these people don’t also have doubts and fears, bad days and problems too.

What we need to remember is things ALWAYS resolve themselves one way or another.  It may not be the perfect solution, it may not be the outcome you were looking for but the situation will pass…so no point beating yourself up of stressing about things, it is what it is and it’s how you deal with it that counts.   If we do the best we can as individuals and can hold our heads up high then sometimes that might just have to be enough.

Some things are out of our control and we just have to hang on and try to enjoy the ride…

…in the meantime, try to look for the small things that bring a smile to your face, make you chuckle or even just lift your spirits for a bit.

I found this little guy in the back of my pen drawer the other day.  Just a little throw-away gift from a supplier, but for some reason I like him, he brought a smile to my face on a not so great day, and sometimes that’s all it takes to get you through!

Identity changed to protect the innocent...

I don’t know much....

...but there are a few truths I have picked up along the way.

If you drive a V8, morons in tiny, embarassing shitboxes will try to get you to drag them off at the lights. Resist the urge ...they are dickheads and there is bound to be a cop around the corner. Let them squeal away and have their “victory” and pass them 20m up the road...resist the urge to laugh or flip them the bird, I know it is hard!

If you park in a near empty area of the carpark you will come back to find some dickhead parked 6 inches from your driver’s door even though there was an entire carpark available...

Birds will only shit on a freshly washed car...

Bat shit eats through your paintwork if not washed off within 30 seconds...

If a loved one asks you what you think about their new “plans” and you just know in your heart it will not end well keep it to yourself.  They do not want to hear common sense, they don’t even want your opinion really, what they want is for you to nod and smile and send them to their doom with a happy wave. The when the shit hits the fan, which is inevitable, they want sympathy.... and possibly cash.

Which leads me to the next truth, resist the urge to say “I told you so”, or “it was never going to work/happen/end well.”  You will just be the bad guy.

If you have resisted the urge to both tell them what you think and then gloat afterwards you will still be in the shit for not warning them.

You will be the only one having sleepless nights about their recklessness.

You cannot win, so why even bother?