Flying high…

Recently I had occasion to fly to Sydney and back. 

Mercifully short trips.

Those of you who read my earlier post, here, will know that I am not a happy flyer.  I don’t fly too often, but there are things that I have observed that seem to happen EVERY, single time.

Boarding is announced, and regardless of who is invited to board first, everyone in the terminal rushes forward, hell bent on getting there first. There are several reasons why this is un-necessary people! 

First, and maybe most obviously, the seats are allocated, you aren’t going to get a better one by elbowing your fellow passengers out of the way!   

Secondly, what is the point of being first on when you have to keep getting out of your seat to let more casual passengers into theirs, whilst being smacked in the face with jumpers, handbags and laptop straps from the desperadoes trying to stuff their entire belongings into overhead compartments?  Honestly, am I the only person who checks luggage in this country? 

Lastly, there is ALWAYS someone who gets lost between check-in and boarding, do they forget they have a flight to catch?

Once settled and “comfy”, or concussed depending on the luggage your fellow aviators have smacked you with, there is the treat of the safety demonstration, as if, in the event of an emergency everyone isn’t going to run screaming for the exits, throwing the smaller and weaker bodily out of the way. Or is that just me? This last flight the Japanese couple I sat with, lovely people, sweetly copied everything the hostie did, including mimicking the putting on of oxygen mask, lifebelt and the brace position, I thought they were having a laugh, but no, DEADLY serious, maybe they knew something I didn’t!

Then we take off, and the second the seat-belt light goes out, multiple people fly out of their seats and hurtle to the loos, about 20 minutes after we boarded in the first place. Am I the only person who goes for a last minute, nervous pee before a flight?

After this, there usually isn’t much action, just the passengers who seem intent of becoming paralytic before we land, those who pee every five minutes, and the hosties, of either sex, who only manage to smile at the young cute guys, everyone else in an inconvenience apparently!

Then you start to descend, people seem to think they don’t have to raise their seats and tray-tables, surely the rules don’t apply to them!

When you land there is the instant chirping and pinging of mobiles, long before permission is given, because we all know everyone is far too important to be without their phone for an hour and a half! The instant the seat-belt light goes off, everyone, as one, stands up to get their bags, except the person blocking my way. No-one moves, everyone waits until the way is clear before then getting their bags ready, meanwhile the air gets hotter and hotter, as the people from the back jostle and push…hell.

Then there is the blissful moment when you move, when you burst out of the plane into the too hot/cold, exhaust filled freedom of the air-bridge, to be carried along by the mass of humanity determined to the first out of the doors, regardless of their seat allocation.

I really hate to fly! Maybe I should go business class in future…