That's not rain...that is freedom!

It weather outside is shit-house.  Fog, rain & wind.  It isn't nice.

Sorry, pic taken from inside through both the screen & the glass, I'm not going out before I have to. I'm not CRAZY!

But I'm going home so I don't care.  I'm out of here.

It's my informed choice this time, and I feel ready.  Last time I "timed out", they don't like you to stay after 35 days as they stop making money from you and the health funds get difficult, hence my release and re-admission a week later - it re-set the payments.  I wasn't ready, just putting on a brave face in the face of not having a choice, on the wrong meds and not well.

I have a long way to go and a lot of work to do I know but I feel positive and happy about it this time.  My medication is pretty close to right and I can see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel, and I checked, it isn't an oncoming train!

So next time we speak I will be at home.  Thank goodness.

Have a lovely day despite the weather!

Jo xxx

Birdies and sirens and firies Oh My!

This morning I was sitting in the courtyard outside my room, diligently practising my mindfulness exercises in a desperate attempt to stop me discharging myself (another story).

Now usually mindfulness is practised somewhere tranquil, you know, a gentle breeze blowing through the leaves, water trickling over rocks, birdies tweeting.  This morning however was somewhat different.

There I was, sitting the the early morning sun, in a place normally so calm.  I started the track - I presently have a terrible memory and the attention span of a gnat so cannot recall or focus on what I'm doing without it- when a fire alarm went off.  I paused the track, patiently waited until it finished, assumed it was a test and when it finished, put it back on. 

Then a light plane flew over, it was tricky but I stayed focused and in the moment.

Then the sounds of sirens in the distance.  I ignored them, they got closer, I tried harder to ignore them, they got louder.

Yes, you've got it.  They were coming here!  So instead of sitting in a serene spot meditating I was in the middle of drama...again.  It all seems to have been a false alarm.

I have chosen to see this as a sign that I really was in the moment and the universe really was making sure of it!  So instead of the second track here I am writing this post, so it can't all be bad.

Hope your day is most excellent!

Jo xxx

Still here...

*I found this picture on the internet, attributed to Ikea, no further detail. 
Feels like my life at the moment, a never ending bleakness...I am doing my best to change that!

I'm still here, back in hospital.

Will be a little quiet for a bit while I work on myself.  Medication and doctors can only do so much.

Unfortunately there is no magic pill for mental illness, no quick fix, and I am still coming to grips with the implications for my future.

Hopefully I won't be in hospital as long this time!

Jo xxxx