Still hurting

It's been six weeks today since we lost magnificent Max.  Six long weeks.



Making himself at home 



There was so much I took for granted about being Max's Mum.

Max was therapeutic to own, he didn't judge, was always there, a little, quiet presence who has been there for me throughout the hard times over the last few years.

Cuddles on the lounge, I'm still not used to sitting alone, whether it be reading, drawing, computing or watching TV, I miss my trusty sidekick.

Snuggles in bed.  Even now it's hard to go to bed and know that he isn't going to turn up 5 minutes later and flop down next to me for a tummy scratch. Always 5 minutes later, you could set your clocks by him.   I miss waking up to find him next to me with all four paws pushed under my belly or with his face on the pillow next to me.

The talking, as an Oriental cat he could talk constantly.  We had many a conversation over the years.  If I was out of sight for more than a minute or two he'd be yelling for attention and he couldn't jump up on the furniture without a little comment.  I've also never come across another cat that had to announce himself whenever he walked through a doorway.  I'm sure I still hear him calling out to me.

I've only just stopped finding his toys scattered around where he left them, trust me, that cat had more playthings than your average toddler.

We still put our shoes away in case he eats our shoelaces and I still can't walk up the stairs without expecting him to race past me and triumphantly stand at the top of the stairs, the winner of our little race.

Lilly, his sister, has changed a huge amount in Max's absence.  She talks a lot more, is far more affectionate, spending lots more time with me and sleeping on my feet.  She's started racing all of us up the stairs.  Max was definitely the dominant personality, but Lilly is stepping up now.

We are in the early stages of talking about a new kitten, not to replace Max, there's no replacing such a huge personality, but to add to our little family.


Love Jo xxx

I'm GLAD it's temporary

So it seems some genius over at Glad decided that it would be a great idea to move the cutting blade on the Glad Wrap box from the bottom edge to the side of the lid, rendering the whole box virtually useless.  I know that this change was some time ago, but we don't go through a lot of wrap so it took some time for me to be inconvenienced.

Glad wrap (and it's competitor's brands) is hard enough to wrestle with sticking to itself and nothing else anyway without having to manoeuvre an upwards backhand motion to get the fecking stuff out.

I was wrapping up my son's dinner tonight and fighting with the box and silently, well, kind of silently but not really, cursing whomever came up with the bright idea of changing something that worked just fine.  Have they ever heard of the saying "If it ain't broke don't fix it".  Apparently the change was for safety reasons, I'll reserve judgement on that piece of logic.

When I had finally fought the wrap into submission, I vowed to change brand to almost anything else in the market (which is hard for me, I'm extremely brand loyal in almost every aspect of my grocery shopping)...

...then I found this story from today on 9news.com.au/national covering this very thing.  I was pleased to see that the good people over at Glad are listening to their customers and changing back to the old dispenser but it just may be too late. 

So tell me...

 

...have you mastered the Glad Wrap dispenser or did you change brands?

 

 

Love Jo xxx

 

 

 

 

 

My B.A.D

Warning: This post contains details regarding mental health concepts.

  The information supplied is from my personal experience and should not replace professional medical advice.

 

 

Two and a half years ago, after I had my meltdown,  I was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.　Since that time I've done a fair bit of research, as you do, and have become more and more confused as time went on.

 

We all experience mood fluctuations in response to our everyday lives.  Bipolar is different in that the sufferer can experience wild swings in mood, affecting our work, family and social lives.

 

I was initially diagnosed as Bipolar II, typically characterised by episodes of both hypomania and depression but no manic episodes.  That's where the confusion arises, as I've experienced long periods of mania, not psychotic, but manic nonetheless. Bipolar I disorder is said to be present if one experiences episodes of mania and periods of depression.  Like me.

 

 

Also, the information online regarding my medication states it is for Bipolar I.  As I said, confusing.

 

I recently had a chat with my Psychiatrist about this very thing.  He told me that in Australia we have moved away from the whole Bipolar I vs II definition and now the illness is termed Bipolar Affective Disorder...same thing, different title.

 

He went on to tell me that the distinction between Bipolar I & II is mostly used in the US for the purposes of medical insurance.

 

In Australia the PBS and Medicare refer to Bipolar Affective Disorder as one condition, not distinguishing between Bipolar I and Bipolar II.

 

This made a huge load of sense to me,  as I used to have periods of mania...brilliant fun but destructive, depression...just awful and even mixed affective states where you have both at once...not good.  Now I know it's all one condition I'm less confused. 

 

Now that I am heavily medicated I don't get the mania or hypomania aspects of this illness, but I constantly have to battle the depression. 

 

I wish it was the other way around, life is a lot more fun with a bit of mania.

References:    Sane Australia    Black Dog Institute    Queensland Health

If you are suffering a mental illness or considering suicide,

please talk to someone, see your GP,
 call Lifeline on 13 11 44 or go to your local hospital emergency department.

If you are in physical danger please call 000 (Australia only).

Wreck this

During the week my sister sent me a book for the hell of it, to torture me I'm sure. 

I have OCD tendencies, always have had.  It's very hard for me to start a diary or journal, or even a colouring in book as I don't want to spoil it.

So when this arrived it caused me some stress:

According to Penguin Books Australia : Think of Wreck This Journal as the anarchist's Artist's Way - the book for those who've always wanted to draw outside the lines but were afraid to do it.

Drawing outside the lines, are they crazy?

The book includes many acts of vandalism, including poking holes in pages, rubbing pages with dirt, use a page as a napkin, wiping your feet, you get the idea.  I don't think I can bring myself to do many of the activities requested, but there are a few fun things I can get on board with.

I'll be collecting stamps from my mail, doing some drawings and generally try to extend myself and have some fun.

What about you? 

Could you wreck your journal or does the thought of messing something up on purpose bring you out in hives?

Love Jo xxx

Catching up

Warning: This post contains details regarding mental health and suicide.

 
If you are unable to cope with these concepts or would rather not proceed then please don't read on.

The information supplied is from my personal experience and should not replace professional medical advice.

 

Part 4 of my series on depression & suicide. 

Please find Part 1 , Part 2 & Part 3 via these links.

 

 

It's been a while since I talked about my mental health.  I struggle to construct a sentence let alone a whole blog post.  I blame a combination of brain fog caused by depression and medication...plus ECT, but more on that later.

 

 

2013 saw me in a different hospital for the better part of 3 months again.  I couldn't sleep, if I did I had the most appalling suicide dreams.  I was a mess of anxiety and panic attacks.  Not a good time for me.

I saw a new Doctor, who had some fairly different attitudes to treatment.  He enrolled me in an intensive CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course, changed ALL my medication and introduced ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) to my regime.  He was not a big believer in Psychologists.

Electroconvulsive treatment (ECT) is a medical procedure that is used to treat a range of mental illnesses, such as severe depression, catatonia and some forms of mania and schizophrenia. The treatment induces controlled seizures in the person by placing small electrodes at specific locations on the head. Read more here

I was initially terrified at the prospect of undergoing ECT, it is never discussed or portrayed in a positive manner and I really knew nothing about the procedure.  My previous Doctor had suggested that it might be a good idea but let me talk him out of it quite easily.

In reality, ECT is the same as any other procedure.  Depending on the hospital, you go into the "day surgery" area, change into your sexy hospital gown (or stay in your own clothes, again, depends on the hospital) then wait.  I have found that there isn't much of a wait as they churn through the patients very quickly, it only takes about 10 minutes each.  They you move through to the procedure room and get on the bed.  The anaesthetist puts in the line, they put the oxygen mask on and it's bye bye time.  You wake up in recovery. Done.

I found that I had a sore jaw the first time I had ECT, but after that no pain, not even a headache.  I have had some memory problems since my treatment.  There are entire weeks that are wiped from my memory and to this day I can't recall TV shows that I've watched.

2014 saw me suffering from depression again so it was back into hospital for a slight medication change and some more ECT, this time it was only for a week.

Since that, I've managed to stay out of hospital for over 12 months, just.  Medication increases and the addition of a Psychologist to my team have helped.  I also sleep, thanks to my medication.

I'm not depressed, I'm not manic, I'm somewhere in between.  The huge amounts of mood stabilisers, anti-psychotics and anti-depressants leave me feeling flat and foggy.  I find it hard to concentrate enough to read or write, engage in craft or other activities.  My Psychiatrist wants me to blog every day, and whilst I'm doing my best it's just not that easy!

 

If you are suffering a mental illness or considering suicide,

please talk to someone, see your GP,
 call Lifeline on 13 11 44 or go to your local hospital emergency department.

If you are in physical danger please call 000 (Australia only).

 

21 Today

Our youngest baby is 21 today.

 

21 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful, 9lb 10oz, 51cm baby boy.

 

We survived the terrible twos, threes...and fours and the teenage years.

 

Fast forward to today and a 6'2" honest, forthright, hardworking and loving man I'm proud to call son.

 

Happy Birthday!

 

 

Get it right!

One thing I really hate with a passion is some people's inability to construct a sentence.  Not being able to tell the difference between your and you're, there, their and they're or lose and loose.

 

I can barely contain myself on social media as gross grammar crimes are committed with increasing frequency.  Is it so hard to read what you're writing before you post it?

 

I was discussing this very thing with my sister the other day, she's the same, can't stand bad grammar.

 

Today I found a story about a real estate sign that was marked and graded by an obviously perfectly normal, well adjusted individual, as one would when confronted with such a grammar disaster. 

 

 

Here's the original story

 
My only concern with this story is the website's referring to the marker as a nerd.  I think not.

 

 

If you're in any doubt, here's a quick guide to commonly confused words and their meanings.  You're welcome.

 

 

Love Jo xxx

Being a grown up

Being a grown up means doing things you don't want to do.

 

 

 

 

Yesterday our GP told MrQ that he needs to have a colonoscopy.  So he's all booked in and ready to go.  We believe in fast action around here.  We are lucky enough to have great Health Insurance so there's no real wait.

 

The only question he had for me was one of personal grooming, as in, should he get waxed, you know, down there.   MrQ isn't a particularly hairy individual so I don't think there will be a problem and I assured him the doctor will have seen it all, but if he wishes to get waxed he can...he'd probably have to go for what we affectionately call a back, crack and sack wax.

 

 

 

 

 

Is it just my man who worries about his hairy arse or would your fellas be concerned too?

 

 

But seriously:

www.cancer.org.au

 

 

Bowel (or colorectal) cancer causes the second highest number of cancer deaths in Australia after lung cancer. However, around 90 per cent of bowel cancer cases are cured if detected early.

Cancer Council Australia recommends that Australians aged 50 and over complete a faecal occult blood test (FOBT) every two years. FOBT is the most effective population screening tool for detecting early signs of bowel cancer.

The Australian Government’s National Bowel Cancer Screening Program currently provides a free FOBT kit and pathology to all Australians aged 50, 55, 60 and 65. Cancer Council urges all eligible Australians to participate.

 

Shudder

Two of my least favourite creatures would have to be snakes and spiders. 

This week came a news story that covered both.
 
A "battle" between a giant Redback spider and a deadly, if only a baby,  eastern brown snake.
 

Here's the story as reported

 
 
 Luckily we don't have snakes here in town, but we do have Redbacks.  Not dirty great ones like in the story but big enough to give you the willies.  Nothing a liberal application of Mortein won't fix though.  My preference is to spray the little bastard white, eliminating the chance it can hold it's breath and survive the onslaught.  
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm an equal opportunity hater when it comes to spiders.  I saw this today and it sums up my feelings about them perfectly.

 

 

 

Heartbroken



Always in the middle of things
 

 Thursday last week was one of the toughest days I've ever lived.  It's taken days to blog about it, even now as I write, it's through buckets of tears.

Our little boy cat, Max was a bit off-colour, so we took him to a specialist vet for a check-up on Thursday morning.  He was fine at 9.30am when we left him, by 3.00pm he was gone.

We were with him when he passed, it was gentle and peaceful.  The vets were kind and compassionate, giving us all the time we needed to say goodbye.

Max was not quite 10 years old...too young to die.  He was a major part of our family for just over 9 1/2 years and will always remain in our hearts.

 

 

 

 

Max

 

 
You left paw prints on our hearts

 Loved and remembered always

 

      07/04/2005 - 26/02/2015

 

How we see him...our little angel.

 

 

Maximus

EDIT: 26/02/2015  We are heartbroken to advise that we lost our darling cat Max today from a sudden and devastating illness. Small cat, big personality. Life will never  be the same. A very sad day for us all.

Our cats really are members of the family, just like kids but lower maintenance.

We love them dearly and would do anything for them.

So, when our little boy cat started to lose weight and had breathing changes it was off to the vet.

We, well he to be precise, has been through blood tests, x-rays and ultrasounds.  Little shaved spots all over him.  Diuretic tablets have been prescribed.

The upshot is that they think he has heart disease, more precisely fluid around his heart and lungs, but don't know why yet.

Now has his very own cardiologist...

and we're wishing we had taken out pet insurance.

Love Jo xxx

Hmm...

Now I find myself on the wrong (or right side depending on your view) side of 40, I've noticed a couple of things. 

    - I've come to the sad conclusion that current music is crap, not all of it I will grant you, but the vast majority.  I look back to the late 80's and my teenage years as the height of musical brilliance.

    - Kids in shopping centres, or anywhere really.  Now my kids are grown and we are in a holding pattern awaiting grand-kids my tolerance levels have dropped dramatically.  Nothing, well not much anyway, bothers me more than whiny, or worse shrieking children running amok.

    - Whilst on the subject of kids, it really bothers me the number of young girls dressed like tarts.  We wore mini skirts and shorts when I was a kid, but today's clothes retailers really have sunk to new depths.

Of course there are many more things that bother me as I get older and crankier, but these are pretty much at the top of the heap.

What do you find annoys you now you're getting older?

Love Jo xxx

Wow...it's been a while!

How are we all my lovelies?

I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote here.  I have no excuse for my absence other than the fog of mental illness.  I just can't think of anything worth writing or at least that I think people would want to read!

My Psychiatrist wants me to write every day, tells me it will get easier and will be ideal therapy for me.  So ever the compliant patient here I am resurrecting my poor, neglected blog.

Jo xxx

Customer service...what's that?

During my working life I have always worked in client (or customer) service roles.  I like to think I excelled...after all, it's not hard to both do your job and give people a positive experience at the same time!

This past week I experienced both the best and worst customer service I've seen in a while.

Firstly, the good.  I recently changed hairdressers.  The old one was OK, but the salon was a bit noisy, a bit unprofessional...a bit "cheap" ie tacky.

My new hairdresser works for a trendy company with quite a few salons.  I will call him..."Sam".  He is an absolute joy.  Well presented, friendly, chatty but not overly so...makes a mean cup of coffee and gives a fantastic head & neck massage.  He is everything you want  hairdresser to be, with the possible exception of the blinding cost!

On the other hand, I have recently started getting my nails done at the local salon of a well known chain.  I go there as they do a good job and are substantially cheaper than their competitors.  The problem is the people skills of the staff...they have none!  As they don't introduce themselves I have nicknamed them all Surly, and they live up to it! 

I don't expect the world, but I do expect that staff in the businesses I visit have a basic level of customer service.  It's not hard to paste on a smile and be pleasant to your customers after all!

I know I sound old fashioned, some would say just plain old, but I remember a time when customer service was a priority for businesses, not a rarity.

Love Jo xxx

It's been too long!

I was going to say I have no idea where this year has gone, or how I can't believe that I haven't written a post since January, but the sad fact is I know exactly where it's gone and why it's happened.

I've had a hell of a year.

In no particular order, I've had a major surgery causing a dramatic lifestyle change, a serious bout of depression leading to a couple of months in hospital and another month visiting relatives and recovering.  Exhausting.

I need to learn to look after myself better, to recognise when I'm going into a decline before it gets to the point where I have to spend so long in hospital.

I accept that there will be occasions where hospital is necessary, it seems to be the nature of my particular brand of mental illness, but I need to learn to get help sooner, to try to shorten those admissions.  Hopefully I can limit my stays to medication changes only rather than extended stays. 

I have to keep myself busy, building new neural pathways, doing a range of new things (or old things I had stopped doing).

Part of my recovery includes writing, something I haven't been able to do for much of the last year.

So for better or worse, I'm back.

Love Jo xxx

I'm a statistic...

Today I became a statistic.

After dodging skin checks my entire adult life (yes, I am a complete idiot), I finally put on my big girl panties and went to see a specialist.  The result of this was that today I had to have two excisions ie. chunks of flesh the size of the top of your finger cut out. 

That's going to hurt when the numbing wears off!
No pic of the one one my back, you get the drift from this one.

Now it didn't hurt (except for the local anaesthetic needles), and it still doesn't yet, but it will.  A small price to pay for peace of mind.

Now I just have to wait a week for the pathology results, but the surgeon believes they were Basal Cell Carcinomas.  Bad enough but not lethal.

The damage was done when I was much younger.  These days I cover up, wear sunscreen, a hat, sunnies.  But I didn't always.  That was part of my illogical reason for avoiding the subject, I was convinced I was riddled with skin cancers, so I ignored it all together.

Now, with all the zeal of a reformed smoker (yes, I am one of those too) I will preach to everyone who will listen.

Rather than listening to me though, it's best to go to the source, in this case

The Cancer Council Queensland. 

"Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in Australia, with 80 per cent of all cancers diagnosed in Australia being skin cancer.
Queensland has the highest rate of skin cancer in the world. More than 430,000 Australians are treated a year for skin cancers. Of these, over 10,500 new cases of melanoma are diagnosed. Each year there are around 1600 deaths from melanoma and non-melanoma skin cancer.

Preventing skin cancer

The major cause of skin cancer is too much exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation from the sun. Skin can burn in as little as 15 minutes in the summer sun so it is important to protect your skin from UV radiation.
Skin cancer is largely preventable. Be SunSmart. Protect yourself against sun damage and skin cancer by using a combination of these five steps:

"

 

 

So be brave, get checked, use common sense and follow the guidelines.

 

Love Jo xxx

Wet, Wet, Wet

Summer in Queensland can be a little unpredictable.  One day it's stiflingly hot, the next coldish & rainy.  Then there are the storms, we do summer storms well up here! (or badly depending on your point of view)

 

The Australia Day long weekend in Toowoomba was a bit of a fizzer weatherwise, pouring rain, fog, howling wind and flooded creeks.

 

Thank God we didn't have a repeat of January 2011 here on the range, but it's still a pain in the ass.

 

We had to venture out yesterday for supplies, so being a good little blogger, I took my camera and snapped away.

East Creek, Toowoomba

 

East Creek overflowing onto MacKenzie St, Toowoomba

 

East Creek overflowing onto Kitchener St, btw James & Herries Sts, Toowoomba

 

A bit scary to come around a blind corner and see this!

 

I shall call this Whirlpool on Burstow...sounds like a restaurant

 

West Creek, looking towards Toowoomba City. Still showing signs of unrepaired damage from Jan 2011.

Hopefully this disaster is over for our town.

We have a leaky roof, and a lounge full of stinking, wet carpets.  I liken it to what I imagine the smell of a thousand tomcat's piss would smell like.

Now thoughts turn to our fellow Queenslanders who are not as lucky as we have been.  Be safe, stay strong, we are praying for you.

Someone's on the naughty list...

After yesterday's seriousness I thought something lighter would be best!

My cats are a big part of our family.

Max, our little boy, has a reputation for naughtiness and trashing everything he can get his paws on.

Lilly on the other hand is generally pretty well behaved...

...except when it comes to the Xmas tree, then all bets are off.

The other day I kept catching her trying to chew of the branches, which would be a spiky, plastickey experience!

I decided to make a short film of it, maybe I will show it at her 18th....

Please excuse the crappy production values, it is my first ever video.  The original had music on it and was brilliant, but YouTube & Facebook blocked it...bastards. So you will just have to sing Santa Claus is coming to town to yourself as you watch it!



Love Jo xxx

Sobering...

Warning: This post includes video that is graphic and confronting. 

I make no apologies for this but understand if horrifying road safety ads are not for you. 

 

  

I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't drive when on new medication, I don't text or use my mobile handset whilst driving.  I don't hoon or speed.

 

But I am human, capable of driving distracted or tired, I try not to but life gets in the way sometimes.

 

Most of us know someone who has been taken too soon as the result of a motor vehicle accident.

 

All of us are horrified by the news of multiple fatalities occurring seemingly more and more often.

 

As a mother I am terrified for my teenage son.  He is a good kid, sensible. So are his mates .  But the parents of those killed or maimed on our roads would say the same.

 

I firmly believe that the following video should be shown to school kids and those applying for drivers licences.

 

I believe that drunk and drugged drivers should be dealt with more harshly.  That people caught on mobiles, speaking or texting should lose their phones, much like hoons lose their vehicle.

 

Emergency services members, whether they be firies, police or ambos, doctors, nurses, care-flight pilots and crews, or any of the multitude of related services need all the help they can get.  They deserve respect

 

As a community we must each play our part to reduce the carnage on our roads.

 

I have shared this video before with some of you in the past but I think it's worth doing it again.

 

Before you watch grab a tissue and make sure the kids are out of earshot.

 

 



Love Jo xxx

Tonks, but not the HP character...

My son says I am a crazy cat lady...

Growing up I always hated cats, we never had them as kids and I was horribly allergic to those belonging to my friends.  When my son was 8 he wanted a dog, we compromised on a cat and I settled for a life of anti-histamines.  Luckily the breed we chose don't cause me allergies, and 6 months later another kitten from the same family "followed me home".

We have two Tonkinese kitties, a boy and a girl, 7 & 8 years old respectively.

They are indoor cats, always have been.  Max used to try and get outside all the time, many a visitor was yelled at to "shut the door before the cat gets out!"

They are a joy, sometimes the only joy in my day!

The boy, Max, is more dog than cat, instigates games of fetch, welcomes people at the door and sees EVERY lap, whether it is family, a business or repair person, as his to sit in.  Once when we were having the fridge fixed he sat in the sparky's lap the whole time he was fixing the wiring. 

Max is a chewer, tea towels, clothes (sometimes when you are still wearing them), unattended shoe laces, stuffed toys, you name it, he will eat it.



Max enjoying the sun...

Due to a medical condition he must only eat cat biscuits from the vet, which means they both do...expensive!

Max either operates at 100% or zero, he is either talking his head off and running around, or he is sleeping.  Except when you climb the stairs, then her will emerge from seemingly nowhere to race you, up or down, he doesn't care.  He was always definitely my cat, but since my hospital stays earlier this year he now shares himself out between me & my husband.

Our girl, Lilly, is a great big sook.  She is a runner and a hider...unless she perceives a threat to Max, then she will stand and fight.  She really only talks to my son, to her he is everything, she loves him to the point of distraction.


Lilly...shy or sneaky, take your pick!

They fight, oh how they fight.  The screaming and growling, howling and crashing around is phenomenal.  They run around sounding as if they are wearing work boots...it sometimes sounds like there is a person walking around upstairs.

But they also love each other, if they can't immediately find each other they call out in the most mournful way, they clean each other for hours, well Max will give Lilly a couple of licks then settle down and she will clean HIM for hours, they always cuddle when asleep.

Not an evening goes by without them both sitting with me on the lounge watching TV, usually ON me to be honest.


This is their usual daytime position.

They have a LOT of toys, sleeping mats, scratching posts and cat towers, but they still prefer the furniture...one lounge has to always be against a wall due to their scratching...little buggers.

So, yes, I may be a crazy cat lady, but in my opinion there are far worse things to be!

I have joined AbsoluteLeigh's  Furrtastic Blog Hop

 

 

Love Jo xxx