It's raining again....

I live in Queensland, the "Sunshine State", beautiful one day, perfect the next...



I know how he feels...



...except someone forgot to tell Mother Nature!!!

Why, thank you for asking....

I am NOT having a great day...normal transmission to return tomorrow....



My BIG Mistake...

Everyone is entitled to one BIG mistake right?

Mine came in the shape of my first “real” boyfriend.  I was 18 and thought I was in love.  I won’t name him here, he is no longer important.

The short story is that he was in the armed forces, was posted to Queensland and I followed.  I moved away from my family and friends, everything I knew, across the country to be with this man.

We didn’t last out the year.

He cheated...a lot, and he was emotionally abusive.  It took me a while to get over it but I came to the conclusion that love doesn’t hurt like that.  If someone really loves you they won’t make you feel that way, worthless and insecure.

I am still vaguely annoyed with myself that I put up with it all for so long...what was I thinking? 

Still, I emerged stronger and far less willing to put up with other people’s crap. 

I never moved back to Perth. Sheer stubbornness, plus a great job and new friends made me stay in Queensland.

It was the best decision I ever made...

What was your big mistake?

The first week...

And so comes the end of my first week of blogging and I have had a ball.

I talked about why I am here, getting to know me and some people who shit me.

I also mentioned hysterectomy, quitting smoking and sisters.

And who could forget the hooker, Prince William and the 17^th birthday ...hmmm, sounds like a trashy headline!

I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have! 

Much excitement....

Our little city is abuzz with excitement with the news that Prince William is coming to town tomorrow. 

Just to make him feel right at home it is peeing with rain, foggy and not very warm. 

I myself, having found my own prince years ago will not be braving the crowds to catch a glimpse...





Working girl...

We live in a nice street in a country town, surrounded by working families.

There is a hooker living and working two doors up from our place. 

No-one ever sees her, but the constant stream of shifty looking blokes driving up and down the street and scuttling in and out is very evident.

The lady next door blatantly takes rego numbers, another posts religious messages under their windscreen wipers while they are “on the job”, you know, helpful things like ”God is watching what you are doing” because that’s not creepy at all...

Generally it isn’t too much of a problem except that we know she is there.  The council knows she is there, the police do too, occasionally they raid the place but nothing ever changes.

But the very WORST thing of all? 

Someone I know is  often blatantly parked outside her place for a “visit”...a very married man with a child.  He knows I know, and he doesn’t care. 

And that shits me! 

3 years....

In a few days it will be three years since I quit smoking.

I was lucky, I decided to quit and I did.  Cold turkey, no problems.

I think the key is I didn’t enjoy it any more.  I didn’t enjoy the cost, the health effects, the smell, and the social isolation, the having to go outside in the cold or rain or stand near the bins for my fix...pathetic.  More importantly, I just went right off the taste of cigarettes.

I started smoking in my mid-teens, and smoked on an off until my late 30’s.  I quit a couple of times over the years, didn’t smoke when pregnant or breast feeding, but always went back.  Mostly because I enjoyed it.

I now can’t stand the smell of cigarettes...as they say; there is nothing worse than a reformed smoker.

Do I see a difference in my health?  Definitely.   I have less allergy symptoms, colds don’t turn into chest infections, I don’t get out of breath doing light exercise, and I generally feel better in myself.

Did I put on weight?  You better believe it! A LOT! I was overweight before but now it is a major issue, and my next project.

Do I see a difference in my finances, not really.  But I guess I switched to driving a V8 at roughly the same time so that absorbed the extra cash.

Now the harsh truth, are there days, even now, where I have the urge to smoke...yes there are.  Do I feel like a smoke writing this post, maybe.

Would I do it?  No way!

Sisters

When I married I gained a couple of sisters, one brilliant, one not so. 

I already had a younger sister, she is great and I love her to bits but this post isn’t about her.

One sister-in-law I could quite frankly do without, and come to think of it I do! This post isn’t about her either...

The other helped me get ready for my wedding, was there during my pregnancy  to drive me to the doctor when I was too big to fit behind the wheel, was at the hospital for me during the birth, speaking out for me when things weren’t going great and afterwards, when I was finding my way as a new parent.   

I’m not sure I ever really expressed my gratitude...so will take this opportunity to say THANK YOU!!!!

There was the Christmas day where we drank our way through seven bottles of wine between the two of us, Super Mario Bros, Canasta, the camping trip when we had to fend off Godzilla sized goanna intent on helping itself to our supplies, backyard cricket and barbeques...too many good times to mention over the years.

There were also the not so good times, where we pulled together as a family to overcome the shit that life sometimes throws at you. 

I hope that you all have someone in your life like her ... it makes the journey so much better.

Why, Oh Why...

Do some male cyclists wear white or yellow lycra shorts? The dark ones are bad enough...

It is a travesty and should be illegal.  There you are, going about your business when some tool goes past with his breakfast on display...and it’s always the ones with a LOT of black hair EVERYWHERE!!!

On that thought I will leave you for the day...Mwahh

Hysterectomy and me...

A hysterectomy at age 36 was not in my plans.  In fact, we were vaguely thinking of more babies.

Then came endometriosis.  I guess it had been lurking in the background for years, a nagging feeling that “something” was wrong. 

Things started to go noticeably wrong in my early 30’s.  The first major sign was an ectopic pregnancy just after my 30^th birthday.  That sucked! 

From there things deteriorated quite quickly.  I will spare you the details but by far the worst symptom was the pain.  I have NEVER felt anything like it.  Debilitating to the point where the only painkillers which would work knocked me out for days...and this was every couple of weeks.

Eventually after rounds of truly evil hormone tablets, scans, tests and unsuccessful minor surgeries, my doctor told me how it was.  It wouldn’t kill me but would get WORSE; there were two choices, wait for menopause (yeah right) or have a hysterectomy.

I went back to the office and just cried, for about 5 minutes...then I called the doctor back to book myself in for the surgery.  I wanted my life back.  The doctor told me I would look back and see that it was the best thing I ever did.

The surgery and recovery were ghastly (well I was asleep for the surgery but you know what I mean); I wondered how I could be so stupid.  No keyhole surgery for me, oh no, laparotomy from hip to hip for this girl.  The doctor told me it was so bad he had to, and I quote “chisel it all away as the growths were like concrete”.

After the better part of 3 months off work (thank God for Income Protection insurance) I was back, better than ever.  Finally I was starting to see what he meant.

No periods, still get PMS though (sucks for hubby), no pap smears – ever again...hooray, and essentially no pain.  The condition is still there, I sometimes still feel pain, but it is rare and fleeting.

So five years on I can honestly say that yes, hysterectomy was the best thing I ever did for myself.

Who do you hate right now?

What with all the misery Mother Nature is bringing down upon our heads of late it seems that certain “celebrities” are having to step up their antics in order to be noticed.

Here is a handful I am hating at the moment in no particular order...

v  Charlie Sheen...at first it was amusing, now it isn’t.  Don’t think this will end well.  My heart goes out to his family.

v  Lindsay Lohan...yawn

v  Paris Hilton...wait a minute, where’d she go....

v  Sarah Ferguson...how does one repeatedly get into multi-millions of dollars debt, who the hell is lending this loser money? If I were Fergie I might pretend I wasn’t going to the in the UK anyway when the wedding I was not invited to was on...but I might at least pretend I was working to clear my debts...

v  Shane Warne...Why girls, WHY would you go there...I just don’t see the attraction myself! Seriously cannot be that much money, he is a has been (some may say never really was...)

v  Matthew Newton...Odd looking, questionable actor and frequently off his tits...how does he manage to get women to go out with him?

v  Ricky Nixon...WTF!  Rehab won’t save you...

v  Footy players who believe their own hype and invincibility *insert name here, there is a large list of these morons to chose from across all codes*...like it or not you are a role model so start behaving like it!  These fans, often children, pay your inflated salaries so give them what they deserve, great football.

And a special mention to the media who report on and created the frenzy around these losers and egomaniacs...shame on you!!!

This list is by no means exhaustive; there are many more celebrities I love to hate. 

So tell me, who do you just hate right now?

Seventeen

At 12.17am 11 March 1994 my boy was born by c-section after 25 hours labour. At the time he was 56.2cm tall weighed 9lb 10oz and I wondered how to handle someone so tiny -  actually, right then I was looking for better pain relief and more of it! They asked me if I wanted to feed him just after he was born and to my eternal shame I allegedly told the nurse to fuck off...must have been the drugs! 

Back then he didn’t sleep much and fed all the time. So none of us got much sleep.

Exhibit A - Two weeks old and no sleep............

  Today he is 17 years old and over 6 feet tall.  He still doesn’t sleep enough and eats all the time.

He tells me his is a man now and should be treated as such...but I still see my little boy!

I am not allowed to post a current picture of him as apparently that is not cool... as it is his birthday I will respect that.

So after 17 years of tears and tantrums, cuddles and kisses, adhd, broken bones and concussions, soccer and computer games and many, MANY proud moments I just wanted to say I wouldn’t change a thing...

Happy Birthday Mick!!!

Getting to know me, getting to know all about me....

I am just on the wrong side of 40.

I have been with my guy for over 20 happy years.

My youngest child is 17 tomorrow.  You all know what that means...drivers licence - WOOHOO!!!!

I own two cats. I am a responsible pet owner and hate that some people aren’t.

I run my own business, and I love it.  Couldn’t be doing with all the office politics...only problem is the boss is a bitch!

I live in a big country town and don’t think I could ever go back to “The City”.

I drive a V8.  A big black beast of a Holden...and I love it.

I am overweight, but working on it.  Sorry, no pics.

I prefer the company of my family.  By nature I am a cranky bitch and most people shit me to tears....not you guys of course!

I believe that everyone should have equal rights, the same opportunities.  I don’t care if you are gay or straight, what you do for a living, where you were born, what your religion is, how much money you have.  That said, an asshole is still an asshole, doesn’t matter what your background is, and I reserve the right to heap scorn upon you.

I am trying to work out who I am, I’m not sure I really like me, and that’s not good.

I am a newbie at this blogging thing and don’t really know what the hell I’m doing, so any constructive criticism is welcomed.

Beginnings...

It has been almost two months since terrible floods ripped our beautiful town apart.  The pain and shock of those days is fading and a sense of normalcy is coming back.

Toowoomba - 10-01-2011   © 2011 Copyright J Traill

That day had a huge effect on me, making me look hard at my life, what's important (and what's not).  In comparison with all that was lost by people in those days in early January I am lucky.  I have a fantastic family, lovely home, great business.... and yet I feel a "hole" in my life, like something is missing.  I think that something is me, I am present but I am not living my life...I need to step up and start to.

So this blog is about me finding out who I am, not just a wife, a mother, a business woman, but me..as a person.

I may be self-indulgent, will quite possibly be rude, will often be cranky but will always be honest.

Won't you join me for the ride?