My life

Lurching from one disaster to another...just a suburban princess trying to get by!

Sunday, 17 April 2011


Can you miss someone you have never met?
In December 1999 we went through a lot of changes, new jobs, new town, we changed pretty much everything.
New Years Eve I got sick, really unwell.  I was not well for the next few days, eventually going to the doctor on 6th Jan, long story short, she sent me to emergency.
Turns out I was pregnant...totally unexpected but not unwelcome.
In the hour between the test coming back positive and that first ultrasound I had totally accepted the thought of a new baby...was excited at the prospect.
One thing lead to another and it turned out that it was ectopic.  They sent me HOME.
I made it two more days...ended up back in emergency.  I couldn’t sit, I couldn’t stand, I wouldn’t let them touch me, I couldn’t even pee...
I learnt a few things that day:
R  Morphine doesn’t stop pain; it just stops you caring about the pain
R  It really sucks to be scared and in pain and drugged out and to listen to the patient in the next cubicle having a psychotic episode.
R  You never want the radiologist who gives you an internal ultrasound the be the wife of someone your husband works with so that you will see her socially forever more
R  Nurses are strong!!!  Well, the one who had to lie across me to stop me leaving during the ultrasound was...
R  Even if it is emergency surgery you have to wait 3-4 hours for them to get to you  
R  When the doctor tells you they can do keyhole surgery, sometimes they lie.
R  Unthinkable as it may seem they will put you in a maternity ward chock full of new Mums & bubs.
Everyone was kind, but after a little while people move on.  They expect you to as well.

Over 11 years later and I think of that baby almost every day.  In my mind it was a daughter, she would be 11 in August...
So as I asked, Can you miss someone you have never met?
The simple answer is, yes, you can.



  1. Yes. Yes you can. And I am so very sorry for your loss, and the way you were treated at the time. Big hugs. xo

  2. Oh yes you can. I do too, every single day. Hugs and love and wish I had more than cliches to offer you xxxxx

  3. Thanks Sarah. It amazes me how many people have a similar story...I just didn't realise until I started reading other's blogs.

  4. Definitely. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Like you, I was put in the maternity ward in preparation for surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy - I could hear babies crying and at first I thought it was just in my mind because surely they wouldn't put someone who is about to lose a baby in with newborns. Something about the surgeons not wanting to have to walk to another ward - charming.
    I have a big ranty post in my drafts folder about my experience. Not had the courage to post it yet.

  5. Terrible isn't it! I wasn't doing too badly until they put a new Mum & Bub in the bed next to me the day after surgery. I didn't make a fuss, I just tried to leave the hospital while still on a drip. They gave me a private room, better but not sound proof. Since that time I have obtained the best possible private health insurance and am no longer reliant on the public health system. That said, the ED at the Toowoomba Base Hospital couldn't have been better...

  6. I'm embarrased as ur sister to say i had no idea this is how you felt/feel :( xxx


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