Can you miss someone you have never met?
In December 1999 we went through a lot of changes, new jobs, new town, we changed pretty much everything.
New Years Eve I got sick, really unwell. I was not well for the next few days, eventually going to the doctor on 6th Jan, long story short, she sent me to emergency.
Turns out I was pregnant...totally unexpected but not unwelcome.
In the hour between the test coming back positive and that first ultrasound I had totally accepted the thought of a new baby...was excited at the prospect.
One thing lead to another and it turned out that it was ectopic. They sent me HOME.
I made it two more days...ended up back in emergency. I couldn’t sit, I couldn’t stand, I wouldn’t let them touch me, I couldn’t even pee...
I learnt a few things that day:
R Morphine doesn’t stop pain; it just stops you caring about the pain
R It really sucks to be scared and in pain and drugged out and to listen to the patient in the next cubicle having a psychotic episode.
R You never want the radiologist who gives you an internal ultrasound the be the wife of someone your husband works with so that you will see her socially forever more
R Nurses are strong!!! Well, the one who had to lie across me to stop me leaving during the ultrasound was...
R Even if it is emergency surgery you have to wait 3-4 hours for them to get to you
R When the doctor tells you they can do keyhole surgery, sometimes they lie.
R Unthinkable as it may seem they will put you in a maternity ward chock full of new Mums & bubs.
Everyone was kind, but after a little while people move on. They expect you to as well.
Over 11 years later and I think of that baby almost every day. In my mind it was a daughter, she would be 11 in August...
So as I asked, Can you miss someone you have never met?
The simple answer is, yes, you can.